I’ve spent the last few years fluctuating in weight. I guess my stress levels played a big part in this but the biggest obstacle that stopped me for so long was the fact I had no respect for myself any more. Not for my mind and certainly not for my body.
Many people I know really lose their need for food if they go through rough times. Not me. Fuck no, not me. I wish I did but all I do when I’m struggling is eat and not the right things. If I get sad? Food. Anxious? Food. Excited? Fuck it let’s celebrate, food.
A couple of years ago I peaked at 18 and a half stone. I was seriously depressed, unsettled and very bloody fat. I must have avoided the mirror for a few years because one day I just walked by one and honestly cried. I didn’t even recognise myself anymore. There was no way I had let myself slip that bad. Surely it was all a bad dream. At that point I kind of sat back, listing things down that I had let slip from my normal routine. I wasn’t reading as much, spending time with my family or friends as I was so far away, I had stopped travelling altogether, I hadn’t wrote a single line in a blog or on a piece of paper in years. Something had to give.
I was living in Scotland at the time, I promised myself that I would lose weight and never get back to that weight again. I started back at the gym and went religiously. I would walk, run, swim. Shit, anything to just raise my heart rate a little and get me sweating. I did good. Real good. I was losing the pounds consistently. I got to a better place mentally. I started reading again, I love a good book. I even started writing again. I moved back to Wales to be close to my family and friends, I got my space to work on myself finally. I was in a really good place.
I guess since being home for almost two years I have gotten all too comfortable in not being active again. I mean I’m not anywhere near how bad I was before but I’m definitely on pause and have been for a while. I still have a very long way to go before I can be happy with my body.
I’ve always dreamt of travelling, making documentaries and writing. Not as a job but as my life. That’s what I want to do. It’s not a job when you love it that much. Being on the go, meeting new people, being introduced to new cultures and being able to put those experiences into words is something that gives me an adrenaline rush that I simply can not explain. I’ve put this dream on hold for way too long purely out of fear, especially when I got really overweight because who the hell would want to watch videos of my fat face talking absolute shit with zero motivations. Where do you even start to learn about editing videos, working on the go, where do you start? You start by trying and that’s where I’m at right now. What better way than to lose weight but to use that mission alongside your dream of making videos and blogging. I’m fed up of putting things on hold, my time is now. I’m starting small, just trying to make a little following for now while I spend hours on YouTube, learning how to YouTube. I made an instagram account @chubrubjourney just for short videos and pictures of my journey until I get to where I want to be. I can be really funny sometimes, it’s one of the few things I have been able to keep even when I wasn’t ok, so I’d like to be able to showcase that. I think part of my purpose was to make people happy and bring them joy, now it’s my turn to give that to myself and focus on what I need for a while.
I would really love it if you could come on this journey with me. We can all learn from eachother and support eachother to want better and to be better. Loved ones or even strangers, now is a better time than ever to all come together.
Here’s to the start of a new beginning.
Please follow my instagram and subscribe to my youtube channel @chubrubjourney (Chanty Harris). I plan on making silly videos of workouts, adventures, the ups and most importantly the downs because they are what make us stronger.
I hope to see you all when I am eventually ready to upload my first video.